DBS Diary 10: First thoughts from the other side

I have a million things I want to say so I need to ration them, such has been the cascade of thoughts, ideas, notions and so on. Thoughts pile one on top of the other in an ejaculatory explosion of words. A good thing surely?

Well, not necessarily. So intense is the tsunami of euphoria that it is easy to be carried along bobbing like flotsam among the waves as brains long since unaccustomed to such tidal waves of emotion are swept away.

Herein lies the danger. As I start to feel the warm waves of euphoria washing over me I am soon on my. Euphoria is a siren, (no, not that sort of siren), a summoning of emotion, a conjuring of darker happiness from the amygdala, that deepest and most ancient part of the brain, source of decisions and emotions.

And this is the crux of the problem. Emotions and decisions make very poor bedfellows. Decisions made upon a crashing wave of emotion do not sit well with rational, logical decision-making.

Take it from me. I have been there. I have seen those brilliant ‘decisions’, forged in the foundry of happiness, those impulses, nameless drives and urges, inarticulate primal voicings, intoxicating siren calls all

DBS in those early euphoric moments is that narrow channel between Scilla and Charybdis, where a momentary navigational infelicity spells oblivion.

My neurologist, and a man I would trust with my life (as indeed I now do) made the point well to me. Be on high alert for unusual behaviour. Do not fall prey to the wrong kind of life saving decisions. Vacillation is, for once, better than decision. That’s all for now. But there will be more. Much more.